Couples therapy

Two people, one pattern. We can look at what happens between you without making either person the problem.

A disagreement about dishes can become a conversation about trust before either partner notices the turn. In couples therapy I slow that turn down. We look at what each person heard, what each person meant, and what happens next. I use Gottman-informed work alongside attention to attachment and the histories each partner brings. There is room for both accounts without pretending they are identical.

What happens when a conversation turns

Sometimes one partner asks for reassurance while the other hears a demand. The response sounds distant; the first question becomes louder. That sequence matters more than deciding whose first sentence was perfect. I will ask both of you to slow down and describe the moment before it became a fight. If that feels awkward, we can move carefully. Neither person has to perform a polished answer.

Gottman-informed work gives us practical ways to notice escalation, make a repair attempt, and return to the subject without repeating the same exchange. I also want to know what the exchange means to each of you. A script can help you speak differently, but it cannot tell us why this particular silence or sharp word lands so hard. We make room for both parts of the work.

Two partners on a screen

Video does not mean the relationship gets reduced to a checklist. I will pay attention to pauses, interruptions, the person who stops speaking, and the moment one of you tries again. In a shared room, choose a place where you can both speak privately. In separate rooms, each person needs privacy and a reliable connection. We can discuss which arrangement makes it easier to talk on the free call.

Queer, trans, and non-monogamous relationships are welcome on their own terms. I will not ask you to translate your relationship into someone else's model of a couple. If identity or agreements matter to the conflict, we can talk about them directly. If they do not, we do not need to turn them into the subject. See LGBTQ+ affirming therapy for more about that approach.

When another starting point makes sense

Couples work is not automatically the first step for every concern. If one partner wants to examine a personal history before discussing it together, individual relationship therapy may be the better place to begin. I will say so plainly if that is what I think; it is not a judgment on the relationship. If the right setting is outside my practice, we can talk about what kind of support to look for.

The free 15-minute call is where we can ask whether this format fits and how both partners would participate. Individual sessions are $250 per 50 minutes; there is no published couples fee. I will cover couples fees on the call rather than surprise you after you start. The rates and insurance page explains the published individual rate and secure portal options. No promise about how a relationship will turn out belongs in a booking conversation.

Sound familiar?

You might recognize:

• Arguments keep returning to the same place, even when the subject changes
• Silence after conflict lasts longer than the conflict itself
• An attempt to reconnect lands as criticism or pressure
• Both partners want to participate but cannot find a useful way to begin

How we work

The work itself.

We meet by secure video. Both partners need to be physically in California during sessions. You can join from the same private room or separate private rooms. I ask each person what happens in a difficult moment and interrupt the cycle when it starts to play out between us. That is not a verdict on who is right; it is a chance to notice what the pattern is asking each person to do.

FAQ

Questions people actually ask.

Can we join from different rooms?

Yes, provided both partners are physically in California and each has a private place and a reliable video connection. We can discuss the setup before a first session.

Will you decide which partner is right?

No. I will name what I notice in the interaction and ask each of you to respond. We can take a difficult point seriously without making either partner the whole problem.

What if only one of us wants therapy?

Individual work on relationship patterns is an option. We can discuss whether couples sessions make sense later, without pressuring the other person to attend.

How much do couples sessions cost?

There is no published couples fee. I will explain couples fees during the free 15-minute consultation before you decide whether to proceed.