--- title: "Where to Start with Therapy | With Love Wellness" url: https://withlovewellnesstherapy.com/insights/where-to-start-with-therapy description: "Not sure what to say on a first therapy call? Joshua explains how to begin, compare services, and use a free 15-minute consultation." lang: en --- Skip to content All insights: https://withlovewellnesstherapy.com/insights Getting started # Where to start when you don't know where to start You do not need to arrive with a diagnosis, a timeline, or the right words. If you have been putting off a first call because you cannot decide what your problem is called, I would rather start with what happened this week. A moment that stayed with you. A conversation you are dreading. The thing you keep returning to after everyone else has gone to bed. You do not have to turn it into a neat account before we speak. I can ask questions. You can correct me when I get something wrong. A therapy website can make starting feel like picking a major in college. Anxiety, relationships, grief, trauma, life changes: the categories are useful for finding information, not a test you have to pass. One situation can touch several of them. If work is wearing down a relationship and an older experience makes conflict harder, we can talk about all three without forcing you to choose the winning label. The services page (https://withlovewellnesstherapy.com/services) is a map of subjects I discuss, not a menu you must order from. Sometimes the question is not which service fits but whether anything is serious enough. I wrote separately about the 'bad enough' question (https://withlovewellnesstherapy.com/insights/are-my-problems-bad-enough). You do not have to wait for an emergency to ask whether a repeated pattern deserves attention. If it matters to your days, it is reasonable to bring it up. That is not a promise that I am the right person for every concern. It is permission to ask a question without arguing for its importance first. ## What you can say first 'I am not sure where to begin' is a complete opening sentence. So is 'I keep having the same argument' or 'I have been trying to decide whether therapy is for me.' If you have tried therapy before, you can tell me what did not help, without apologizing for it. If you do not want to explain a particular event on a first call, say that too. We can still talk about what you hope would be different about the work. On a free consultation I want to learn what brings you to this point, what you have already tried if you want to share it, and what would make a conversation useful rather than another obligation. I can explain what meeting by video is like, how I tend to work, and what I cannot offer. This call is not a full therapy session or an assessment that ends in an instant verdict. It is a chance for both of us to be clear about fit. You may want to write down two things before calling: what prompted you to look now, and one question you would be disappointed not to ask. That is enough preparation. If your thoughts change while we talk, let them change. I am not grading consistency. A first conversation is allowed to uncover a better question than the one you prepared. You can also bring a practical question about privacy, language, or timing instead of a personal history. ## How to choose when several pages fit Look for the description that gets closest to the situation, then stop browsing if the distinctions are getting in the way. If you are deciding between anxiety therapy and relationship therapy, the work does not suddenly become invalid because the other page sounded familiar too. We can start with the real conversation that prompted the search. Together we can decide what needs attention first and whether my approach fits it. That decision can be revised as we learn more. If you are considering a particular method such as EMDR, it is fair to ask why I might suggest it and what the preparation would involve. A method is not a shortcut around getting to know you. I use different approaches, including CBT, DBT skills, psychodynamic work, mindfulness, parts work, somatic tracking, and EMDR, according to what we are trying to address. I will not assign a technique from a web form. The question is not which acronym sounds most impressive; it is what we can use responsibly and why. There may be things I cannot do. I offer telehealth only, and you must be physically in California during a session. If you need in-person care or an immediate response, I will not pretend a video appointment can provide it. For an emergency call 911 or 988, rather than waiting for an appointment. Being direct about those boundaries is part of being useful, not a way of dismissing the request. ## After the call You are allowed to notice whether the conversation made room for your actual question. Did I answer what you asked, or did I slide into a prepared speech? Could you disagree with me? Did the explanation of fees, format, and next steps make sense? Those are reasonable ways to evaluate fit. A therapist's credentials matter, and so does what happens when you ask for clarity. You do not owe anyone an appointment because they were polite on the phone. If we decide to schedule, the first session can go more slowly than a consultation. We can talk about what you want to protect, what feels urgent, and how you will know whether our conversations are useful. Nothing requires a polished autobiography. If I am not a good fit, I will tell you with respect rather than ask you to keep paying for a mismatch. If you want to start with a question instead of a commitment, book the free 15-minute call (https://withlovewellnesstherapy.com/book). We can start there, plainly, and decide the next step together. It is okay if the next step is to think it over. You can write down what you understood from the call and what remains unclear. If you need to ask whether I can address a particular concern, ask directly rather than guessing from a list of services. I will answer what I can and say when I do not know enough yet. Starting therapy is a decision about a working relationship, not a quiz with one correct answer. If you are comparing several therapists, ask each one the same practical question and listen to how they answer. What happens if a session feels unhelpful? How will we decide what to focus on? What is the fee and what does the first appointment involve? You do not need an elaborate scoring system. Notice whether the answers leave you clearer about what would happen next. If something still feels confusing, it is reasonable to ask again. Beginning with clarity is more useful than beginning with a guess. ## Questions ### Do I need to know which service I need before calling? No. Tell me the situation that led you here; we can discuss which approach may fit without assigning a label in advance. ### Is the consultation a therapy session? No. The free 15-minute call is for questions about fit, format, and next steps, not a full therapy session. ### What if I cannot explain everything on the call? You do not have to. A starting question or recent situation is enough for an initial conversation. ## If any of this landed, let's talk. A first session is a real conversation, not a sales call. If it's not a fit, I'll tell you. 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