--- title: "Afraid to Open Things Up? | With Love Wellness" url: https://withlovewellnesstherapy.com/insights/afraid-to-open-things-up description: "Concerned therapy will bring up too much? Joshua explains pacing, preparation, and what happens before and after difficult work, including EMDR." lang: en --- Skip to content All insights: https://withlovewellnesstherapy.com/insights Pacing # Afraid to open things up you can't close again You do not have to tell the hardest part first to make the work real. If you are putting off therapy because you are afraid of opening something you cannot close again, I would take that concern seriously. There is a difference between being willing to look at something and being ready to do it at full speed. I will not ask you to prove commitment by recounting the most difficult event on the first call. We can start with what makes the subject hard to approach, what helps you steady yourself, and what would tell us we need to pause. A therapy session has an end time. Your life after the video call does not. I want to know what comes next in your day before we choose how far to go. If you have a work meeting, a family conversation, or a long stretch alone afterward, that context matters. Being careful about it is not avoiding the work. It is making room for the person who has to live the rest of the day after the appointment. ## We start by making the room usable Before discussing a difficult memory in detail, I want to understand what happens when you notice distress rising. Can you tell when the conversation is moving too fast? Is there a way to come back to the present that actually works for you? Do you have enough privacy to speak without someone walking in? These are practical questions, not a checklist to qualify for care. If a strategy I suggest feels irritating or makes things worse, we find that out and adjust. Containment does not mean putting a lid on a problem forever. It means having a way to stop, mark what we have touched, and return to the present before the session ends. Resourcing can mean identifying a steady place, a grounding action, or a person and routine that support you afterward. I do not want to turn those words into magic. We test what helps in your actual life. A strategy that sounds elegant in a therapy office and fails in your kitchen is not the right strategy yet. The complex trauma therapy page (https://withlovewellnesstherapy.com/services/complex-trauma-therapy) describes how longstanding patterns may need a careful pace. A single event and a repeated history are not identical, and neither requires an immediate retelling. If I do not know enough about your circumstances to suggest a next step, I will say so. I would rather spend time understanding what feels manageable than rush toward an impressive-sounding intervention. ## You can ask to slow down You can say 'not today,' 'I need a minute,' or 'I do not want to answer that.' I may ask what about the question felt too close, if you want to discuss it. I will not take a pause as evidence that you are failing therapy. Your choice about pace matters, even when I think there is a useful question nearby. We can come back to it, work around it for now, or decide together that the question was the wrong one. There may be times I notice a pattern in how the conversation stops. I can name what I notice gently and ask whether it rings true. I will not use the observation to override your limit. 'No bullcrap. With love.' does not mean pushing past a boundary because I think I know best. It means being honest about what I see and equally honest about the fact that you decide whether and when to continue. The two parts have to stay together. Sometimes the skill for the week is noticing the moment something becomes too much, not processing the event itself. DBT skills (https://withlovewellnesstherapy.com/services/dbt-therapy) can offer ways to respond to a sharp rise in distress without pretending the feeling is trivial. We might practice a way to pause a conversation, identify what is happening in your body, or return to a difficult subject after a break. None of this requires a promise that a technique will always work. We look at what it does and what it does not. ## What happens near the end of a hard session I keep track of time with you. If we reach something important late in the hour, we do not have to pull every thread until the clock runs out. I may suggest naming where we are, noting what can wait, and doing something that helps you orient to the present before you leave. You can tell me if you need longer to settle or if the way I am ending feels abrupt. The ending is part of the work, not an administrative interruption. Afterward, you might want ordinary activities rather than another analysis of what happened. You may also have questions to bring back next time. I will not prescribe a universal after-session ritual; your day, support, and privacy are yours to describe. If you expect to go straight into a demanding obligation, tell me before we start. We can decide which subject belongs in that particular appointment rather than assuming every session should reach maximum intensity. ## Where EMDR preparation fits EMDR therapy (https://withlovewellnesstherapy.com/services/emdr-therapy) involves preparation before any reprocessing. We would discuss the concern, how you respond to difficult material, and how to pause or stop. You can ask what an exercise is for and whether another approach makes more sense. EMDR is not something I spring on you after a first call, and it is not the only route into therapy. We choose a method together according to the concern and what is workable now. If talking about a subject already disrupts sleep, work, or a sense of being present, I want to hear that before deciding how to proceed. It may change our pace or the kind of support to consider. I will not claim that preparation removes every difficult feeling or ensures a particular result. It makes the process more deliberate and gives us a way to respond if the work needs adjusting. That is more honest than offering a promise that nothing uncomfortable will ever happen. There is also a limit to what a scheduled video appointment can do in an immediate crisis. If you need urgent help, call 911 or 988 rather than wait for me to answer a form. If you are considering ongoing therapy, you can use the free consultation to ask how I handle hard endings, pauses, and method choice. If the answer does not make sense to you, ask again. I would rather explain the pace clearly than have you enter the work feeling you have given up the right to stop. ## Questions ### Do I have to talk about a painful event right away? No. We can begin with context, pacing, and what would help you pause or stop before discussing details. ### What if a session becomes too much? Tell me. We can slow down, orient to the present, and decide what should wait rather than push through for its own sake. ### Does EMDR start at the first appointment? No. Preparation and a shared decision about fit come before any reprocessing. ## If any of this landed, let's talk. A first session is a real conversation, not a sales call. If it's not a fit, I'll tell you. 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